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July 3, 2019

# My Top 10 Favourite Mental Health Instagram Accounts (in no particular order!)

@makedaisychains

A UK based artist and mental health advocate who started the hashtag #boringselfcare.  She realised that selfcare has become a buzzword which can mean different things to different people. However for those suffering from depression and anxiety it is so difficult to do even the most mundane, simple tasks.  Sometimes we need reminding that these small steps could lead us back to the path of wellness.  https://www.instagram.com/makedaisychains/

@introvertdoodles

Marzi is an author and artist who seems to get it when it comes to mental health.  Her illustrations show what it’s like in someone’s head when suffering from anxiety.  And, she offers gentle reminders to take small steps towards wellness.  So, you’ll particularly love it if you experience life as an introvert!  https://www.instagram.com/introvertdoodles/

@thelatestkate

The anxious artist! She does cute drawings that remind you how to navigate anxiety and balance self care with moving forward. https://www.instagram.com/thelatestkate/

@sadgirlsclub

This organisation started a conversation about mental health to reduce stigma.  Elyse Fox – the founder – made a short film about her experience of depression.  She has some fantastic insights about therapy.  How anxiety/depression affects day to day living and brings some humour to the experience of depression. https://www.instagram.com/sadgirlsclub/

@gemmacorrell

Gemma’s artworks pop up all over the place, because she gets inside the mind and clearly identifies what it’s like to suffer from anxiety and depression.   https://www.instagram.com/gemmacorrell/

@thepsychologymum

A clinical psychologist who exposes some of the myths around mental health.  She has great illustrations and detailed do’s and don’ts.  She has an evidence based understanding of mental health she uses for her posts. https://www.instagram.com/thepsychologymum/

@themanifesto_counsellor

Kareena Hodgson is a local counsellor in Bondi and a friend.  Her posts are authentic, honest and unique, and I always find her posts kick me into action!  https://www.instagram.com/themanifesto_counsellor/

@evergreentherapy

Dr Denise Fournier is a mindfulness based therapist. She puts some simple reminders up about being in the present moment, becoming more mindfully aware of our thoughts, and practising self care. https://www.instagram.com/evergreentherapy/

@themindgeek

Sarah-Jane Crosby is a psychotherapist who has great illustrations.  She writes about trauma, abuse, attachment.  And in such way that it is educational, informative and easy to understand.  A standout.    https://www.instagram.com/themindgeek/

And of course, last but not least, hopefully you’re following …

@bondimind

I try to focus on quotes and reposts that I believe are helpful in the counselling journey.  And, I also post about my blogs, and the odd cartoon.  Go follow! (and I’m on Facebook too!). https://www.instagram.com/bondimind/

June 17, 2019

How Secure Attachment Can be Rebuilt in Therapy

In recent years, Attachment theory has become broadly understood to a certain extent by many, not just those in fields such as psychology, counselling, biology.

Attachment in a Nutshell …

Broadly, the concept being that if parents or carers treat us with warmth, care, stability and compassion, as a newborn, we have secure attachment, which moves with us into adulthood.  In contrast, if for some reason our primary carer was absent physically or emotionally, did not attune to our needs, or was highly anxious, we may develop an insecure attachment with our primary carer.

Of course there are many intricacies to the theory of attachment, and it is not blaming the primary carer.  Rather, it is important to know that an insecure attachment from birth can be rebuilt as secure, through relationships.

How Attachment is Rebuilt

Sometimes we choose a life partner who attunes to us and therefore our attachment rebuilds, or repairs, almost as if by chance.  What is also exciting, is that the therapeutic process reactivates the attachment system, so that clients rebuild a secure attachment.

When a client comes to therapy, they often bring with them fear, anxiety, shame, and many other feelings. This is because their initial attachment was not ideal.  As a therapist, I provide an environment that encourages the client to feel safe.  A warm, compassionate, empathic, mindful, stable environment.  I want to create a therapeutic alliance where clients feel safe, not abandoned, not judged, and that I listen to their inner world with authenticity and empathy.  This provides the space for clients to experience healing.

Attachment and Neuroplasticity

Essentially what happens, is that as infants, we lay down implicit memories that shape our deepest understanding of relationships, and if they were not ideal, we lack trust in relationships.  Through therapy, the empathic care of the therapist allows the client to reveal themselves and their earliest fears.  Once the client speaks about his or her fears with a therapist, the therapist then provides the environment for secure attachment, returning new thoughts, feelings and processes to long term memory, changing the implicit memory in the brain forever, and allowing the client access to healing experiences.  Not only does the therapist play a role in attachment repair, but the relationship between the therapist and client deepens empathically.  This is often why, as clients we can’t put our finger on what has changed to make our life more satisfying, or more meaningful – change happens in ways that are sometimes non-verbal, or cannot be articulated.

The Therapeutic Relationship

Through this deepened relationship, the therapist holds the client continually in warm regard, and the client experiences that – expanding and solidifying their secure attachment – a feeling of synchrony and harmony, both felt and observed by the therapist and the client.  Because this process is both conscious and unconscious, it is important for the therapist to be in a mindful, aware state so that their own past experiences are not activated.

Resonance

Resonance though hard to explain, in physics, is a vibration, so in a therapeutic relationship, it is a non verbal process where the client receives the empathic signals from the therapist.  The client draws in from the therapist their empathic state and their intention to connect.  This warm, supportive relationship is internalised and the client takes it out into the world.

As a therapist, it is this deep sense of resonance with the client that is almost palpable in the room and endures for a long time for both the client and the therapist.  Of course, not every therapeutic relationship is this, but it is what I strive for as a therapist, in order for clients to feel heard, supported, felt, and to move comfortably in the world with repaired attachment and the ability to trust themselves in forming secure attachments with others.

May 27, 2019

Feeling Overwhelmed?

I am lucky enough, as part of my profession, to be able to take the time to be present.  I need to in order to provide a calm, supportive space for clients.  This means that I prioritise being calm myself so that clients feel safe, supported and heard.  As you can imagine, a stressed out counsellor is the last thing clients need!

Stress can be Good

Stress is an important part of our lives.  It provides the impetus to respond when challenges arise.  It stimulates productivity and creativity.  Think about how much more productive and creative you become when there’s a deadline involved.

When Stress is Not so Good

However, if we are constantly stressed, it can be damaging both physically and mentally.  Acknowledging and knowing your own capacity for stress is important.  Not all of us can handle the same amount of stress as others.  Often, part of the problem, is comparing ourselves with others.

 

Tips for Managing Stress:

 

Identify your stressors:

Some people thrive on being busy and going from one task to another and back again.  However, if you’re like me you like to do things one at a time to completion.  Once you’re aware of what stresses you, you can then choose how you respond by changing your thinking patterns.   Becoming more self aware and acknowledging what is workable for you personal will prevent you from being reactive and stressed.  You can’t necessarily control what’s happening to you, but you can control how you respond to things that happen to you.

 

Step away from toxic relationships:

Toxic relationships or being around people who are negative causes stress and won’t help you de-stress. It’s helpful to surround yourself with people who lift you up – creating a sense of positivity and energy.

 

Reduce your digital use:

That feeling you get when you scroll through newsfeeds and social media?  It doesn’t tend to be a good one.  So why do we do it?  Try reducing your use.  It  takes you away from achieving the things you want to.  It also contributes to that ‘compare and despair’ sentiment – we envy other people’s lives and therefore see ours as ‘less than’.   We may also read the news and feel negative about the state of the world.  You may not even realise this contributes to stress, but it is sometimes overwhelming. Perhaps even try unplugging altogether for a couple of days and see what happens?

 

Sleep hygiene:

The World Health Organisation considers sleep hygiene as an emerging health issue.  Having good sleep rituals is essential to good quality sleep, such as avoiding caffeine in the afternoon, switching off devices an hour before going to bed, going to bed at the same time and waking up the same time in the morning, drinking less alcohol – all contribute to a good night’s sleep – essential to reducing and maintaining stress levels.

 

This is not a comprehensive list, but if you are stressed it might be worth exploring what aspects of your life are creating negative stress and how you can change.  Sometimes a counsellor can help you explore your lifestyle and thinking patterns in order to de-stress and feel better on a daily basis.

 

https://www.bondi-mind.com.au/wp-admin/post.php?post=21560&action=edit

May 11, 2019

On Being Happier …

A 10% Shift …

Dan Harris suffered a panic attack on live television in the US.   He realised he needed to make a change.

Dan wrote a book called 10% Happier and how mindfulness helped him.  What  is great about his concept, is that he is not promising that mindfulness will dramatically change your life.  He’s promising a 10% shift. And while 10% doesn’t sound like a lot, it can make a big difference in your life.  I’m not just talking about mindfulness here, rather, that a subtle shift in behaviour or thinking, can bring with it great change.

Exercise is Crucial to Wellness …

Just like a mindfulness practice, exercise can provide benefits that lead to being 10% happier.  I have just started exercise of the type that I swore off at least five years ago, using old age as an excuse.  However, as I now know, weight bearing exercise and HIT (high intensity training) is particularly good for older people.   Incorporating intense exercise into my life has enhanced my life probably 10%, but that 10% flows into all areas of my life.  It makes me feel capable and gives me more energy.  And, has provided hope for the future in terms of long term health benefits.  It’s also motivating me to eat more healthily.  And my children are seeing someone living healthily and more energised with them.

Vicious Cycle of Depression …

When people suffer from depression, it brings with it drastic change in daily life.  This can make the depression worse, preventing someone with depression from getting better. For example, a person with depression may be suffering a lack of energy or motivation.  They cut back on activities and leave decisions to others.  They refrain from doing even the smallest of tasks.  They also tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. These changes in behaviour lead to increased feelings of hopelessness and guilt, putting them in what’s known as the vicious cycle of depression.

So while the last thing you might feel like doing if you’re suffering with depression, is exercise, doing some form of exercise that you personally enjoy, will give you more energy.  It will make you feel good for having achieved something, and give you a sense of hope.  And whilst you’re not going to feel fabulous, you might just get that 10% happier feeling, which can only lead to greater things …

Oh, and don’t forget to give mindfulness practice a go – who knows – maybe it will add up to 20%!!

April 26, 2019

Addiction – Can Mindfulness Help?

 

Addiction & The Brain

In these modern times, when we feel a lot of stress and overwhelm, it often appears easier to ‘numb out’ the difficult thoughts and feelings that we are faced with.  Most of us have addictions of some kind.  Some are healthy, some not so healthy – alcohol, drugs, social media, smoking, overeating.

The most amazing advances are being made in the area of neuroplasticity.  These advances show that we can do a lot ourselves to change our brain to curb our addictions.

It would be nice to find a quick fix that would make our cravings or addictions disappear.  And in some cases there are things that help such as Nicotine patches for smoking, or appetite suppressants for overeating. It would also be nice to be able to speak to a counsellor or a friend about our addiction in the hope that the cravings will disappear or become less, and that we will feel instantly better.

Mindfulness & the Brain

Whilst therapy can help, there is a mountain of evidence that suggests we can change habits and begin changing our brain with mindfulness practice.  For some, mindfulness is a buzzword that is overused, but there is also a misunderstanding that mindfulness is meditation.  Whilst it is beneficial to begin a mindfulness meditation practice, there are mindfulness techniques you can use in everyday life if we understand how the brain works.

At the most basic level, when we are having an unpleasant thought or feeling, we may for example, have an alcoholic drink, eat chocolate or have a cigarette.  Or you may access Facebook and scroll through your feed.  This makes you feel instantly better, so your brain lays down a memory of feeling better.  The reward centre in the brain is then loaded up with dopamine, making us feel good.  So the next time we have an unpleasant feeling we use the same solution, feeding into habit formation and further reinforcement.  And whilst the short term benefit is good, the long term benefit is not.  We may not be achieving what we want in our lives, or we are not facing the problem.  The problem will not go away by itself, and will probably get worse.

So how can mindfulness help?

The most simple definition of Mindfulness: “paying attention, in the present moment, on purpose and non-judgementally”.  John Kabat Zinn.

Mindfulness can help because it can disrupt the brain process described above – trigger -> behaviour -> reward.

Our brain works so quickly that we are not aware of what is happening – we feel stressed (trigger) -> we have an alcoholic drink -> we feel better.

By being mindful we pay attention rather than push away the unpleasant feelings of stress.  Instead, ask yourself – “what’s going on for me right now? where am I feeling it in my body?”.  Once we have slowed down and explored what’s going on for us we can then respond skilfully or act with awareness.  No meditation required!

Mindfulness training is proven as good as CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) at helping prevent relapse for alcohol and smoking.  However, if I’m making it sound easy, it’s not.  It’s important to explore the underlying thoughts and feelings that trigger the behaviours we want to change.  Often we are not aware of our triggers. A therapist can help us become aware so that in those moments of craving, we choose a different behaviour, and over time rewire our brain so the cravings disappear altogether!

March 18, 2019

Can Therapy Help You?

Taking the first step to seeing a counsellor

It’s only natural to have concerns about seeing a counsellor.  I know I did the first time I went.  

Often we consider going to a counsellor because there is something niggling away.  However we don’t tend to go and see someone until we’ve reached crisis point.  Why is this?  

Essentially our mind is a problem solving machine, so we go over and over things in our own mind.  We might then possibly talk to friends.  We hope that we will come up with some kind of solution. 

The problem is our own mind tends to have a negative bias.  And our friends know us too well, so have their own bias, even though they may be trying to help.  

So let’s think about some examples for seeing a counsellor …

Anxiety:

You may be experiencing mild anxiety – you may not even be aware of it as such.  However you tend to be going over things in your head, worrying and feeling some physical symptoms such as nausea, insomnia, heart racing etc. And you wonder how on earth someone else could help you. They have no understanding of your history, your internal world, the struggles you have faced.  However, even in one session, what a therapist can do, is point out new perspectives. They can see things with fresh eyes and they can challenge negative thoughts or thinking patterns, that you weren’t even aware you had. This alone, can bring some relief and open your eyes to a whole new way of seeing yourself and the world.

Trauma:

You may have a significant trauma that you are aware of, but don’t want to think about, let alone talk about.  OR, you may have had something happen to you recently or in your past, that you haven’t identified as trauma, which is having a significant impact on your quality of life.  A qualified counsellor is guided by you as the client.  It is not necessary for you to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. In fact, it is now acknowledged that talking about trauma is not necessarily helpful.  There are skills that you can be taught to help deal with traumatic events.  And, there are ways of understanding our mental, emotional and physical selves that can help us when suffering from trauma, without having to talk about trauma.  If you are ready to talk about a significant traumatic event, the simple act of talking about it can often reduce the powerful hold it has on you. It may not be pleasant, or we may not feel immediate relief, but speaking about it can release the power it has. 

Smaller issues:

You may feel that your issues are not significant enough to require seeing a counsellor, and in fact the stigma around seeing a therapist is enough to put you off taking that step. However, seeing a counsellor for something you see as relatively minor, can be a great preventative step.  For example, perhaps you are having issues within your relationship.  They may persist and become worse over time to the point where you walk away from that relationship, only to find that the same issues reoccur with your next relationship.  If you speak to a counsellor when the issues arise, they can help you see things with new perspectives.  They provide you with communication skills, and emotional regulation tools.  You can then develop a very satisfying, healthy relationship with that person, and also with yourself.  It’s also worth noting at this point, that what we consider a small issue, may not be small when put in the context of other things within our lives. For example you may think you were raised in a loving, communicative household. Sounds ideal doesn’t it?  But if you never saw conflict, you may not be comfortable with it.  Not being comfortable with ‘fierce conversations’ can make us avoidant, and therefore not great communicators in our relationships.  This can make us move from one relationship to another, which then becomes a bigger issue.  

Grief:

Struggling with grief is a process that takes time and self compassion.  Talking to a counsellor will help you through the process.  Talking about the loss of a loved one, or a relationship, or your career can help make sense of your world, integrating the loss. Sometimes those around us think they are helping us when we are grieving, but in fact they are grieving themselves.  Sitting and talking with a qualified counsellor allows you the space to process and integrate your feelings.  

If you’re still not sure that talking to a counsellor can help, then this video breaks it down further into steps, to help you make a decision … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDoaQIQZU1k