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Building Resilient Kids and Preventing Anxiety

With the best of intentions, as parents, we are all doing the best for our children, and in many instances giving into their needs and wants to protect and care for them, when in reality it is setting them up have a sense of entitlement, to believe that they don’t have to struggle through situations in life, and an inability to tolerate anything less than success. As the American Journal of Preventive Medicine says … “Families [overly] centered on children create anxious, exhausted parents and demanding, entitled children. We parents today are too quick to sacrifice our lives for our kids. Most of us have created child-centered families, where our children hold priority over our time, energy and attention.”

While it may seem counter intuitive, it is good for us to let our children struggle, it is good for them to see us struggle and deal with difficult situations through problem solving so that they can learn to problem solve themselves, and let’s not feel so guilty for saying No! It’s good for kids’ wellbeing, and it’s good for our own wellbeing. Part of the reason kids are growing into young adults struggling with anxiety, is because they have never had to work through difficult, uncomfortable situations because as parents, we are inclined to protect them, whilst in the long term not setting them up for difficult situations when they become young adults.

Lynn Lyons – psychotherapist specialising in anxiety, talks about the 3 x’s:
– eXpect – that there will be times when you will be uncomfortable, unhappy, disappointed, sad
– eXternalise – give you worry/anxiety a name and talk to it so that you can learn what is worry that can be solved, and what is worry that can be made redundant.
– eXperiment – practice by putting yourself in difficult situations, rather than avoiding them.

By teaching our kids that they can ‘push through’ many situations and survive the uncomfortable feelings and sensations, they will become more confident and gain a sense of mastery, rather than becoming avoidant and increasing their anxiety.