Can Therapy Help You?

Taking the first step to seeing a counsellor

It’s only natural to have concerns about seeing a counsellor.  I know I did the first time I went.  

Often we consider going to a counsellor because there is something niggling away.  However we don’t tend to go and see someone until we’ve reached crisis point.  Why is this?  

Essentially our mind is a problem solving machine, so we go over and over things in our own mind.  We might then possibly talk to friends.  We hope that we will come up with some kind of solution. 

The problem is our own mind tends to have a negative bias.  And our friends know us too well, so have their own bias, even though they may be trying to help.  

So let’s think about some examples for seeing a counsellor …

Anxiety:

You may be experiencing mild anxiety – you may not even be aware of it as such.  However you tend to be going over things in your head, worrying and feeling some physical symptoms such as nausea, insomnia, heart racing etc. And you wonder how on earth someone else could help you. They have no understanding of your history, your internal world, the struggles you have faced.  However, even in one session, what a therapist can do, is point out new perspectives. They can see things with fresh eyes and they can challenge negative thoughts or thinking patterns, that you weren’t even aware you had. This alone, can bring some relief and open your eyes to a whole new way of seeing yourself and the world.

Trauma:

You may have a significant trauma that you are aware of, but don’t want to think about, let alone talk about.  OR, you may have had something happen to you recently or in your past, that you haven’t identified as trauma, which is having a significant impact on your quality of life.  A qualified counsellor is guided by you as the client.  It is not necessary for you to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. In fact, it is now acknowledged that talking about trauma is not necessarily helpful.  There are skills that you can be taught to help deal with traumatic events.  And, there are ways of understanding our mental, emotional and physical selves that can help us when suffering from trauma, without having to talk about trauma.  If you are ready to talk about a significant traumatic event, the simple act of talking about it can often reduce the powerful hold it has on you. It may not be pleasant, or we may not feel immediate relief, but speaking about it can release the power it has. 

Smaller issues:

You may feel that your issues are not significant enough to require seeing a counsellor, and in fact the stigma around seeing a therapist is enough to put you off taking that step. However, seeing a counsellor for something you see as relatively minor, can be a great preventative step.  For example, perhaps you are having issues within your relationship.  They may persist and become worse over time to the point where you walk away from that relationship, only to find that the same issues reoccur with your next relationship.  If you speak to a counsellor when the issues arise, they can help you see things with new perspectives.  They provide you with communication skills, and emotional regulation tools.  You can then develop a very satisfying, healthy relationship with that person, and also with yourself.  It’s also worth noting at this point, that what we consider a small issue, may not be small when put in the context of other things within our lives. For example you may think you were raised in a loving, communicative household. Sounds ideal doesn’t it?  But if you never saw conflict, you may not be comfortable with it.  Not being comfortable with ‘fierce conversations’ can make us avoidant, and therefore not great communicators in our relationships.  This can make us move from one relationship to another, which then becomes a bigger issue.  

Grief:

Struggling with grief is a process that takes time and self compassion.  Talking to a counsellor will help you through the process.  Talking about the loss of a loved one, or a relationship, or your career can help make sense of your world, integrating the loss. Sometimes those around us think they are helping us when we are grieving, but in fact they are grieving themselves.  Sitting and talking with a qualified counsellor allows you the space to process and integrate your feelings.  

If you’re still not sure that talking to a counsellor can help, then this video breaks it down further into steps, to help you make a decision … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDoaQIQZU1k