Navigating Relationships
I don’t want to go bursting anyone’s romantic bubble, but wouldn’t you rather ensure the success of the relationship you are entering into, rather than collapse in pieces further down the track and wonder why? After all, longstanding intimate relationships are the primary social structure of our society, and have been since the evolution of human beings.
Given therefore, that healthy relationships are essential to a healthy society, romance is one element of a healthy relationship, and arguably it’s important to look at other aspects of our relationships to determine their health and longevity.
Perhaps when choosing a partner or indeed, exploring problems in our relationships, we could explore various theories of successful relationships, of which there are many.
So here are a few ideas, although by no means a comprehensive list, but rather to get you thinking …
The Concept of Attachment Theory in Relationships
Attachment was originally a theory used to understand primary carer and child relationships. However since the 1980’s it has been extended to intimate relationships. If you can understand your own or your partner’s attachment style going into a relationship, then you can work through any potential issues before they occur, in a constructive manner, and in turn, deepen your understanding of each other. There’s a test that you can take to determine your style in the link below. Of course this information is also better enhanced with the help of a good therapist! http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl
And here’s some more information on the styles:
The 5 Love Languages
This book by Gary Chapman explores the concept of different languages we speak. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.
Essentially you may be communicating at cross purposes with your partner. For example if you like to spend Quality Time with your partner and he/she defines a good relationship by showering you with Gifts, your needs will not be met, and unless you’re aware of these languages, you will not understand each other.
The Role of Neuroplasticity in Creating Better Relationships
Until recently, there was a belief/theory in marriage counselling circles, that in order to be in relationship with another you need to be at the same time autonomous and independent and meet your own needs first. However, the more recent view of good relationships has moved to the concept of there being three components to a relationship – you, your partner, and the relationship. If the relationship is the priority, then each person in the relationship contributes empathically and does their best to understand each other. We are social beings. This in addition, to our more recent understanding of neuroplasticity, means that if we are invested in the relationship as primary, then we can rewire our brains to meet the needs of the relationship.
These are only a few concepts. But as said above, if you commit to a relationship as an investment, then rewards will follow.
Why not explore these concepts and more. Books as mentioned above:
Wired for Love by StanTatkin
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman